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Today, I had the privilege of holding the hearts and hands of several strong, amazingly brave and brilliant women. Unique and courageous souls who were brought to my office in search of healing their immense grief. My eyes rested upon the faces of young widows who hoped to find guidance on how to adjust to what feels like a cruel and empty life without the presence of their beloveds. One sweet soul had lost her husband only three short weeks ago, and was anxious to be approaching her first birthday that she would be forced to spend alone and without the love of her life. My, how hard it is for me to put into words the empathy I feel and how my heart bleeds when I witness such suffering.
Even though I wholeheartedly believe and trust in a divine plan unfolding in our lives, it still pains me to see the agony that so many people must endure after saying goodbye to someone that they so dearly love. Even in the midst of witnessing such grief, I am constantly reminded that as awful, heavy, and dark as our human experience can sometimes be, so too can it be as simultaneously beautiful, light, and uplifting.
The most incredible aspect about my *job* is that I have the awesome honor of helping lift that heavy cloak of pain that so many people carry...even if only for a moment. The comfort, joy, and hope that is born within the bereaved as they make contact with those that they loved and have *lost*, is a humbling process to say the least. I hold it as sacred as witnessing a newborn infant fill its lungs with the first life affirming breathe of fresh air after leaving the comfort of it's mothers womb. It's a process that is embodies the very essence of life itself. The rare and tender privilege of seeing a soul whose divine spark is dimmed due to heartache, grief and despair be transformed into one of a renewed sense of hope, courage, and strength is something that still covers me with chills, makes my heart beat fast, and fills my eyes with happy tears...even after almost 10 years of practice.
As if every day that I'm in the office isn't magical enough, some days are even more of a gift. Every so often, I receive a warm pat on the back from the universe letting me know that I'm just where I need to be, and doing what I am needed to do. Today was one of those days.
It was after my second session of the day when a very grateful client shared with me words that made my heart begin to glow brighter than the white sparkling lights that flicker on the top of the beautiful Eiffel Tower under the French full moon. Seriously. I was about as lit as ET. (Kinda silly but true, that my maiden name begins with "T" making my birth initials, "ET". Just a random little fact I thought I'd share. Now back to the serious stuff...)
So, here's where it gets a little rough. This adorable, super sweet and ultra-petite woman, lost her husband about a year ago. He was a forty-something year old, successful businessman who unfortunately also suffered from depression. One fateful night he retreated to his office where he sadly took his own life, leaving her as a widow and as a single mother with two young children to raise on her own. The heartache, guilt, shame, fear, and anger that she felt was immense. Her story was one that stayed with me long after our original meeting because I was so touched by the depth of her pain.
Many months had passed since our first meeting when she contacted me for another follow up session. Today was the day that we arranged to meet, and I was happy for the chance to see her again. It's always a really special thing to reconnect with people who have touched your heart and left you wondering what may have happened in the remaining stories of their lives. At the end of our session, she loving shared with me just how dark her journey had become. She graciously told me that our work together in the beginning of the year had saved her life. She confided in me that in moments when she questioned whether or not she could face the reality of her life, that she took the words of divine love, support, wisdom, and encouragement from her late husband and guides that were given to her through me and held them close to her heart. She clung to the pages of her session and allowed them to guide her through her grief. With eyes filled with tears and a grateful heart, she confessed to me the number of therapist she had visited, the number of classes she attended, and the number of support groups she sampled, only to explain that NOTHING had helped her move through the experience of her husbands suicide like the session that we shared together.
It's a powerful, and extremely humbling experience to be told that you (not really you, but rather SPIRIT working through you) have kept someone from wanting to die, kept them from giving up, and kept them from wanting to escape the almost unbearable pain of their life. My heart fluttered as she told me that she has fallen in love with this blog and often visits on days when she needs the extra inspiration to keep going for sake of her children when she questions whether or not she has it within her to handle the weight the universe has placed upon her. She made sure I knew how touched that she had been when reading my post written about my dear friend, who also committed suicide. Her kind words filled me with the motivation to write more often, and to keep the stories flowing.
As she was so softly building me up, not only did she take notice of my writing, but she also complimented me on the music, the images, and the overall aesthetic of this on-line extension of me and my light-work. It was assured to me that I had indeed, created a cyber sanctuary for the soul. (In the spirit of total transparency, and for sake of keeping it real...I must confess that sometimes I feel like I need to filter the songs/words/images on this blog to respect the pain of people who are bereaved and who visit here in hopes of finding support. Her words made me feel like it's okay for me to express myself creatively without fear of offending people who are moving through grief, and filled me with a sense of freedom to continue to share even more of myself in this way).
She referred to me as an artist and when she did, I could literally feel my feet begin to lift off the ground. Even though I have painted, danced, dabbled in photography, played with the written word, and flirted with SPIRIT ever since I can even remember, I have never considered myself to be the-real- deal, totally-living-outside-the-box, filled-with-talent-kind-of-artist. But there I stood today...in my grown-up professional office, while my very own art/dance/writing studio was being built a few miles away, and all I could think was "Oh my Goodness, like, somebody needs to go ahead and pinch me because I MUST BE dreaming!!!" Am I really getting paid to *do* what I really have always wanted to *be*??? To be healing hearts, lifting lives, listening, loving, laughing, learning, dancing, designing, decorating, writing, blogging, film planning, teaching, talking to angels, and swirling in everyday goodness and creativity??? REALLY???
The thought of having ALL of the creative loves of my life being seamlessly blended together in one beautiful *JOB* made my heart feel so full that it might actually burst. I was being recognized and supported not only for my role as a medium, but also as a writer, a photographer, a music lover, and a blog keeper. Receiving her heartfelt encouragement and knowing that the time and energy I put into this blog is supporting with my intention of being a Messenger for SPIRIT, makes me want to continue to put a voice to the many stories that still live inside of me. Our conversation reaffirmed my belief that there are valuable stories within all of us which need to be shared in order to inspire, to teach, to heal, and to connect us with the world around us. There are so many neglected treasure troves of wisdom, love, and life experiences that are just waiting to be uncovered but that are usually kept hidden beneath layers of insecurity, deep vulnerability, and a fear of not wanting to be rejected and/or judged.
Echoed in her voice, I heard my own angels speaking to me. Her loving and supportive words pushed me to step even further outside of my comfort zone, to find the courage I need to dig a little deeper in order to explore, discover, and unearth my deepest desires to write more authentically, and to do so without fear. Days like today make me want to stay up all night clicking away on my keyboard , writing, sharing, and owning not only the *glam* parts of my life, but also to share the not-so-pretty parts as well, in hopes that someone else may too, take comfort in the truth of these words.
It's truly a dream to do what I do. To inspire. To heal. To be a messenger of love and light. Tomorrow if I am so blessed, I will awaken to find myself with a new opportunity to continue reaching out to others in hopes of hearing from another what I heard today. So long as no one pinches me to awaken me from this beautiful dream...
In love, empathy, and enormous gratitude,
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