Why Hellooooooooo, my sweet little mittens!!!
How are you? Has it been fo-ev-vah or what??? I am so humbled that you all are still coming here to check on me, even when it's been so long since we've connected! Thank you, for that. <3 This is usually about when I begin to profusely apologize for my extended absence from the blog....but you know what?
I'm thinking it's about time we do things a little different around here...and that means making this a "no guilt zone" for us all. No more "I should-da's, could-da's, or I would-da's!" There will be no shame in our game. How nice will it be for us all to relax, and forgive ourselves for whatever little hiccups or mistakes that may need letting go of??? :-) Be it that it's been a seriously long time since I've written on the blog, or that you may have forgotten to feed your cat, or that we've each experienced some other larger digression in another area of our lives...what if we we both just accept it for what it is, trusting that it doesn't define us. Deal?
Please believe me when I say,
You are still a rock-star. Still an uber-special spiritual being of love and light, present upon this earth to move through whatever lessons (be them big or small) that you are currently facing. I hope you really know and trust that...because it's the divine truth. The sooner you and I can let go of whatever guilt, shame, perfectionism, procrastination, fear,negativity and so on...the sooner we can step into the power of who we have truly come here to be. Ya dig?
The world is waiting for BOTH of us to drop that heavy baggage we carry and claim something new. It's scary, I know. There was a small part of me that was hesitant about jumping back into blogging and showing my face here again because that means I actually have to show up and be accountable to you, and you, and you, and explain why I've been MIA. It's not really that I don't want to write and share my experiences with the world, because God(dess) knows I do...it's just that most of the time, if I can't do something 110% and do it perfectly, I end up not doing it at all.
With that mindset, it's super easy to put off doing what I intended to do because it takes sooooo much energy making sure everything is perfect, ALL THE TIME!!! I mistakenly think, "We'll, if I don't have time to sit down and upload a gazillion pics, and write about this, and write about that...then I just won't post at all...."
Hence, that faint sound of crickets you may have heard chirping around here.
Do you see/feel what I'm saying? Have you ever found yourself in a similar loop?
In all reality, I do feel bad that it's been such a long while since I've had the time (or the energy) to write, but I also know that it doesn't do good things for me to dwell in the space of feeling like a loser because I'm slow on the blog. As much as I love to write and do my little check-in's on this site, sometimes it feels like more pressure that weighs heavy on my heart...between phone calls, emails, face-book, blog writing, and everything else...it's easy for me to begin to feel overwhelmed! I am learning to accept that I am doing the best I can to manage the craziness of my life (kids, career, family, friends, projects, home-life, my own creative needs, etc.) and that I shouldn't torture myself or feel bad if/when I need to change the pace every now and then. Right? Something's gotta give.
With this newfound tenderness and acceptance of self, I've also come to decide that it's okay for me to shift gears in some other areas of my life too, and not just in how often I write.
May I just tell you how nice it's been to give myself permission to let loose, to slow down, and to allow myself a chance to get back to the basics?!? There is such a rich connection that I feel when I "unplug" from all of those outwardly pressures to get centered again in what is really "real" for me. You know, the things that make my heart tick...and my lashes flutter with unmistakable joy?
All the things done out of love...rather than guilt?
That's when the real magic happens. When I step out of that boring, shame-filled dialog and into trusting that part of myself that knows beyond any doubt, that I am just where I need to be, even when I may be judging myself for "not being productive enough"...the truth is I AM ENOUGH...AS ARE YOU!!!
I've realized through this process, that the less space that is taken up by the extreme expectations of success that I have somehow managed to place upon myself, the more room I have for my own happiness, peace, and power. By gently allowing myself to step out the self-imposed grind of time-lines, unrealistic expectations, and goals of what I think that process should look like...the more that things begin to open up and flow for me.
You would think that me having a more lackadaisical summertime attitude would equate to me being less productive...but really it's been the opposite! I'm amazed at how many ideas/creative projects/ and how much spiritual progress has been made even without my obsession over them!
This totally includes me being more relaxed about my physical body, too. After years and years of mindful eating, abstaining from alcohol, and exercising like a mad woman...I have been quite the little "moo-piggie" over the last couple of months...(while also taking a break from the regime of running and dabbling with a bit of wine tasting)! It's been a journey for me to slowly start eating sugar again, to discover that I actually enjoy a glass of spicy red wine (most especially with a small piece of semi-sweet organic dark chocolate!) and to give myself permission to not worry about the numbers that I may see reflected back to me on the scale. (True confession...I get crazy giddy for Swirl frozen yogurt & also have a huge fondness for sour patch kids...gasp! Double yum if they are paired with popcorn...preferably, late at night! Double sigh...)
So to sum it up, the lesson for me has become about letting go of many false ideas and unrealistic expectations, about healing my ego's perception and nasty tendencies of relying on guilt/shame to guide me, and falling into a place of total self acceptance and love! It feels good. It's been a long time coming...
With all of that said, I know intuitively that it's getting close to time for me to reel it back in and begin to pull the pendulum in the other direction. While it's incredibly liberating and freeing to not to worry about the size of my thighs, and to rebel by consuming obscene amounts of ridonkulously tasty cupcakes and treats, my Spirit knows when my body needs foods from the opposite end of the spectrum...and when I should be reaching for spinach instead of sprinkles!
As a part of this peace-making process, I courageously took pictures of myself on the beach after days and weeks of my somewhat glutenous behavior. It felt sooooo empowering to love what I saw, despite the fact that my body may have aged, changed, and softened since my last excursion to the sea. By the same token, I am also feeling guided to begin blogging again, after learning to go easy on myself during the times when I might not have been feeling so inspired to write.
These last few months have been beauty~full opportunities for growth...for love...and for summertime fun! They've been flooded with many precious moments of soulful surprises, tears filled with wisdom, delicate laughter with family and friends, and large healthy doses of self-actualization...all while sporting a face free of make-up, a sweet little pooch from all my suga-suga yum-yums, and big wide open heart made whole by learning to just let it be.
Okay, so now I've brought you up to speed with emotionally and spiritually where I am...next post will be to share with you all the places I've physically been! Feels so good to have taken this first baby step of re-connecting with you...
Sweet summer kisses,
